Of rejection mails and laughter

I hear you thinking out loud, “what’s laughter got to do with rejection mails?”

Well, sometimes they make for funny stories.

We all agree that rejection mails hurt. I think they’re better than not hearing back at all but that’s another entire discourse. I tend to apply for opportunities a lot, so I am very familiar with rejections. I try not to take them too personally, but a particular rejection stands out for me. Can you imagine getting rejected twice by the same scholarship body, in the same application cycle?

Back in 2020, I applied for a scholarship to study in France. Almost 1000 people applied but they had shortlisted about 239 for interviews, with different slots over three days. Luckily, I was shortlisted for the interview. Then I made my first mistake. I was so glad that I had been shortlisted that I started to feel special. In my head, I was soon going to be strolling on the streets of Paris (the school wasn’t even in Paris!). I basked in the euphoria of my self-acclaimed genius status, and I fell asleep before choosing an interview slot. The next day, I contacted a senior colleague who had won the same scholarship and we discussed interview tips at length. At the end of the call, he goes, “when is your interview?”

It was at that moment I knew I had messed up. I quickly said my goodbyes and logged on to book a slot, but the worst had happened. There were no slots left! I was gutted.

My thoughts were all over the place. Is this the end? Are “village people” actually following me? Is this another way to screen out people?

I put my feelings in check and sent a mail to the programme contact person, explaining that I hadn’t gotten a slot yet. I got a response that they would work on it. However, as a Nigerian with serious trust issues, I really did not think anything would be done so I moved on…… kind of….. and this led me to my second mistake. I did not check my mail. Surprisingly, they did get back to me about a slot and required an urgent response. I saw the mail almost 6 hours after! I did not give up. I sent my apologies and asked if I could be given another slot, but I didn’t get any response. Days after, I received a rejection mail. The coordinators had chosen their final awardees. Now the situation wouldn’t have been so bad if I had accepted my fate at this point.

Yet again, I sent a mail expressing my displeasure at not being given a chance to interview.

**I still can’t believe I used the word “dismay”**

They did get back to me and I had an interview which I was ill-prepared for. Third mistake. How can you clamor for an interview but fail to prepare for it? Anyway, I felt great because I was given a third chance, so you understand why I see the humor in the second rejection mail.

Looking back, I’m glad I was bold enough to fight for my right to be interviewed (that’s not even an official right, is it?). If you’re actively applying for scholarships, it might be helpful to note the mistakes I made. I don’t want you to make them too.

Capisce?

Throwing it back

In the spirit of #throwbackthursday, I’m bringing back a poem I wrote in my final year in Vet school. It is also my first attempt at poetry. I titled it “The Progression”

The Progression

I remember when I couldn’t wait to gain admission

All my friends had gotten into higher institutions

“Uni” life is fun, they said

All I could do was lie in bed

So when I got into the University of Ibadan

I couldn’t wait to experience all the fun

But I was told my name was still written in pencil

As a 100 level student wasn’t really in vet school

And then I made it in

But all I could think was “this is tiring”

Why read so hard to get here

Only to read even harder because the end isn’t near

It’s finally coming to an end

Relief, joy, exhilaration all I feel

Now imagine my disappointment when

All I hear is “the struggle out there is real”

I guess it never really gets easy

So take a deep breath and stay calm

For all the rigour, the stress, the frustration, the sleepless nights

Will only make us stand the test of time

-a.o ayinla-

How did you feel in your final semester in uni?

First Ramadan in the UK: 6 things I struggled with

As I write this, I laugh at the fact that I thought last Ramadan (1441 A. H. /2020) was weird. I had no idea this year’s would be even weirder for different reasons. Honestly, nothing could have prepared me for it. I have reflected on what made it so strange and these are the things that stood out for me.

The loneliness

All my life, I’ve always had people around during Ramadan. Even in secondary school and vet school, when I was away from home, there was always the school mosque or classmates who were fasting too. I had taken the simple pleasures of belonging a community for granted until this year. Not-quite-surprisingly, there was no Muslim in my entire apartment building. I was desperate enough to mail the school interfaith advisor to make enquiries, but all the Muslim students chose to stay in their family homes this year (joys of the pandemic). I began to search for mosques around to offer taraweeh prayers in congregation, but they were either too far from my accommodation or they did not offer prayers for women. In that moment, I missed my family so much. I missed the gentle way my dad called out to prayer and how he waited for us to join him for taraweeh. I regretted all the times I hesitated before praying in congregation. However, midway through Ramadan, I met with some Muslim students (from another school) for iftar at a nice Turkish restaurant. It was just good to talk to people who could relate with my experience. I also found a mosque that was one bus away from my accommodation and the nights I prayed there were glorious!

Schoolwork

First of all, schoolwork is annoying all the time but this year is worse because everything is virtual. Having to combine screen fatigue with the pangs of hunger fasting brings was not my idea of fun. Worse, I have this habit of motivating myself with snacks and I couldn’t do that all through Ramadan. Barely 20 minutes in, I would lose focus. I broke all the promises I made to myself to be productive after iftar but when deadlines started approaching, I had to fix up. I started doing schoolwork in the hours before sahur. Afterall, I could snack all I wanted then.

The longer hours

Ha-ha! To be fair, we fasted for relatively shorter durations this year compared to previous years. Still, I was used to daily fasts of about 14 hours so you understand why fasting for over 17 hours was daunting (if you’re thinking “oh it’s just 3 extra hours”, I have nothing to say to you). I would look out at 8 pm and it would still be bright! It became really difficult to eat and get some sleep between iftar and sahur. I don’t know how I did it but here I am. Allah is merciful.

Maximizing time for acts of worship

At first, I started with so much energy. The goal was to read a juz per day, listen to reflections of the Qur’an and wake up for tahajjud every night. Barely 10 days in, I started to backslide. I simply wasn’t achieving my daily goals so I set more reliable ones and I just tried my best after that. It didn’t help that tahajjud time was when I was most productive and it became a question: Good grades or heavenly race? I’ll leave you to imagine what I chose.

Missed Hangouts

This one may sound trivial to you but I have my reasons. As much as I wanted to go out when I first got here, all the fun places were shut. When did they open? – A day before Ramadan started. I had waited so long for these outings but I had to pass on a number of them because they were mostly to restaurants, and I wasn’t going to stare awkwardly while everyone else ate. Also, some of them involved physical activity. Hello? we’re trying to conserve energy here. All my resolutions to do fun things “when places open up” became “after Ramadan”. Lol. I’m really hoping I make up for all those outings.

The pandemic

I know you’re thinking this is over flogged but as long as the pandemic is on, I’m always going to complain about it. You know why. I know why. We all know why. I know it’s of little use now but I’m still gonna do it.

It wasn’t all struggle though. Ramadan is such a beautiful month and I am going to miss the peace that comes with it. It had me feeling like a new person whose sins have been forgotten and whose prayers have been answered. On the vain side, I lost some tummy fat and I am G-Lowing!!!

Eid Mubarak to my Muslim brothers and sisters!

Taraweeh: prayers offered at night during the month of Ramadan.

Iftar: the evening meal with which Muslims break their daily Ramadan fasts.

Sahur: the meal consumed before fasting begins.

Juz: a division of the Qur’an. There are 30 juz in the Qur’an.

Tahajjud: voluntary prayers observed at night; “night vigil” if you like.

TEAM SPIRIT

From time to time, it’s very likely that we find ourselves working with a set of people with common goals as ours. This could be at work or in informal settings such as our residential environments. So, you see, it’s important that we learn to be enthusiastic team players. While a team could be a group of people working on a rural community water project, it could be you and your siblings planning a birthday party for your mom, or it could even be a small group of old course mates planning a reunion.

Are you a team player?
For a start, do your best to answer the following questions (using yes/no) and keep in mind the number of yeses you have. You do not have to share this with anyone ;).

1) Do you find it easy to communicate with others amicably?
2) Are you reliable (can everyone trust you when you say you’ll do something)?
3) Are you always positive about tasks ahead?
4) Are you flexible (are you willing to change your orientation on a subject matter if need be)?
5) Are you willing to accept criticism?
6) Are you supportive?
7) Do you share your knowledge willingly?
8) Are you tolerant?

TEAMS AND TEAM SPIRIT
Simply put, a team is a group of individuals working together to achieve a common goal.
Team spirit is the feeling of pride and loyalty that exists among the members of a team. It is a positive attitude and sense of belonging a member possesses that simply makes them want their team to excel.

Why are teams necessary?
They are because nobody knows it all and honestly, the best way to get the best results on a task or project is to pull from a variety of strengths and expertise.
Source: “trust me”

In a team, you may either be leading or following a leader. Either ways, you must play your part.
Here are some general tips to take note of:

1) Communicate: Learn to pass your message across in the way you intend to. Be honest. Always let your teammates know what is going on. If you are facing difficulties, ask for help. If you cannot meet up with a deadline, speak up on time instead of “ghosting” so that you do not drag the team back!
2) Be punctual: Always be on time. Let your 8 am be 8 am. It’s unfashionable to be the one everyone always waits for.
3) Be respectful: Treat everyone else the way you would like to be treated. Always use your words wisely for you cannot take back something you said.
4) Be humble: Remember it’s impossible for you to know it all. Do not look down on people. Most importantly, do not be credit thirsty. For instance, when something works out, do not go about announcing how it wouldn’t have been possible without your input.
5) Be willing to take corrections and accept criticism: We may hate to see it but we’re not always right. When your errors are pointed out, do take it as an opportunity to learn and do better.
6) Avoid backbiting and slandering other teammates: This may sound funny but gossiping gradually leads to formation of mini groups within a team and this impedes progress. If you have an issue with a team member, speak to them about it instead of wasting all that time making them look bad in front of others.
7) Pull your weight: If you’re on a team, be sure that you’re contributing positively. Play your part.

In addition, a team lead should:
8) Take charge: That’s why you are team lead. Basically, imagine you’re the captain of a ship. You do not want that ship to sink!
9) Be flexible and open minded: There are many ways to arrive at good results and it doesn’t always have to go your way. You should be ready to listen and sieve through the ideas from others.
10) Tell people WHAT to do not HOW to do it: Avoid micromanaging people (i.e., monitoring them every second of the day). Funny thing is it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll get the job done faster.
11) Lead by example: Sounds cliché but yes, people tend to watch your actions more than they listen to your words. Imagine preaching punctuality but you always come late. Eventually, everyone stops taking you seriously.
12) Delegate. Delegate. Delegate: If you like to be in control always, you may fall for the “oh I’ll just do it myself” trap but isn’t that taking on too much? Why not put reliable people in charge of tasks and hold those people accountable?

Finally, please remember that you may not know it all but you definitely have something valuable to add!

If it bothers you so much, why do you do it?

Living in this era of COVID-19 and its associated lockdown, it is clear that the negative effects of the pandemic are endless but we are not here to talk about this. As the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months, almost everything we’ve always known as the “norm” has been replaced by an online version. Interestingly, online courses existed before now but for some reason they seem to annoy us so much these days. In my opinion, it is probably because we can no longer make the usual “I don’t have enough time” excuse to put off taking or completing these courses.

Gradually, these uncompleted online courses start to cause a nagging feeling at the back of our minds. It is worse if you follow motivational speakers on social media platforms. The lockdown is depressing enough as it is, and sometimes you go online hoping to find one or two hilarious posts you can drown yourself in. You find them effortlessly and you start laughing but the next minute, you scroll down and you’re hit with “Have you finished that online course?” and then you get irritated again.

Undeniably, completing an online course amidst all these uncertainties is difficult. There is no guarantee that you’d even be alive long enough to make use of it. This is why you need to ask yourself honestly: If it bothers me so much, why do I do it? Why are you taking that online course? Is it because it is free? Is it really helpful to you? Is it beneficial to your career development? Do you even have any interests in that field? Are you taking it just because you want say that you took an online course too?

It’s okay if you do not like the answers to these questions. I do not like them too. If the answers annoy you, it is probably because you’re taking that course for all the wrong reasons. That’s okay. I’m on that table too.

Stop. Wait a minute. I do not want you to leave here with the wrong message.

By all means, please take online courses but only because they are of use to you. Avoid information overload just because the source of information is “free”. So the next you see “join this free masterclass on… ” or “udemy is offering a 100 % discount on the following courses”, you should sign up for that course because you need it and not just because it’s free.

On a final note, these are confusing times for everyone. Even the World Health Organisation says the world is in an uncharted territory. There’s absolutely no need to put undue pressure on yourself.

Breathe.

Burning Bridges…… Or Not

I’ve always been in support of burning bridges, my most popular conclusions on the topic being “Well, not everyone can be in your life” “You really don’t have to put up with that person” “I will never set foot in that place again” “I can never need your help”. At the moment, I am no longer sure of my stance on the matter. I will blame this on an interesting incident that happened a few months back, while I was on duty in the Large Animal Clinic.

This Ouda ram (let’s call him Rammie) had come in the Friday before with “bottle jaw” so I knew I had a severe helminthosis (Worm Infestation) case on my hands. It was the first time I was faced with a bottle jaw case so I was really excited about it. I’d treated Rammie but he was still weak and was kept on board for closer observation.

Fast forward to Sunday afternoon. I’d gone to the pen around 12 noon to bring the ram out – Recall I said that he was weak so he wasn’t tethered. I had a little free time on my hands so I decided to check on my colleagues in the small animal clinic – I really should have minded my business. Around 2 pm, I went back to my duty post but Rammie wasn’t where I left him. I wasn’t very bothered because I was sure he would be around. After about 15 minutes, I became worried and I started searching. I looked everywhere but Rammie was nowhere to be found. I alerted the other doctors on call and we all searched thoroughly but he still was nowhere to be found. This continued till around 4 pm and I was sweating profusely. What was I going to tell Rammie’s owner??? What was I going to tell the Director??? Would I get a query??? How much did an adult ram go for???

Suddenly, out of the blues, I heard “Is this not the ram we are looking for?” I ran to the direction of the voice. Lo and behold, Rammie was lying in a gutter at the back of the hospital complex. Ugh. In my opinion, he was just tired of being poked by the evil doctor. To my delight however, he was fine.

Now the best part of this story is that the person who found him was one of the hospital casual staff I had sworn to never greet again because she had disrespected me so much and had spoken to me so condescendingly for most of my stay in the hospital. If you are a petite female doctor practicing anywhere in Southwestern Nigeria, you may be able to relate. I never expected her to lift a finger to help me. I was pleasantly surprised and I could feel every hard feeling I had towards her melt away.

-Just kidding. Did you really think one act would make me forget everything ???

Let’s not lose focus. If you’re reading this, I do not want you to be like me.

Mind your business. Uche, face your work oh.
If you can, do not burn bridges with people. On ne sait jamais. You never know.

P.S – This is not a picture of Rammie but I thought you should meet another friend of mine.

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE

Started the chapter single.

If I’m being honest, the year turned out better than I imagined. It started with me having a birthday hang out for the first time in my adult life. Up until my 25^thbirthday, I’d never thrown a birthday party or anything. I told myself “life is too short, spend this money”. My sister gave me the ginger so I decided to have one at home. The Presidential Elections was postponed to my birthday (Oh the disrespect !!! ). I couldn’t let BuBu kill my vibe, so I moved the hangout to the day after. It was basically food, drinks, music and great conversation.

From there, everything became confusing. I was hell bent on leaving Nigeria. I got my international passport, started filling applications but all I got were rejection letters from schools. I know you’re supposed to keep trying till you get what you want but it gets tiring, you know.

While this was going on, I got done with NYSC. Yes. Post-NYSC phase is the absolute ghetto. You find out that you are essentially back to square one, doubting your life decisions, and wondering what to do next. It didn’t help that I went for my high school reunion and everyone seemed to have their lives figured out. With some encouragement from my sister (same sister), I decided to expand my business and start my Master’s. I really thought I would be balling during Master’s and running my business.

I laugh because a Master’s degree program is so engaging, and running an online store is tasking. Kindly check out my business page: https://instagram.com/shop.aarin

In July, I finally resumed and I must tell you this was a very challenging month for me. Firstly, I felt like I should be counting money instead of reading books (lol. Translate to Yoruba). Then I kept thinking I had not chosen the right department for my career development. I also wanted to do away with the pressure of being a University of Ibadan scholar. The worst part, though, was having lecturers, old classmates, junior colleagues, and some other random people ask me a multitude of questions I mostly had no answers to or those that generally left me depressed.

“You are back?” “How can you come back to UI?” “You should have traveled out.” “How can you choose that department??” “Are you sure you want to be in that department” “Is masters the next thing for you?”

By August though, I had unlocked a new level of unbothered. Nothing got to me. I told myself I was already here and I’d make the best of it. Things became easier and I got with the flow. School was so engaging but I focused on preparing for my sister’s wedding (another sister. lol. I have four sisters), which was to take place in September. I literally abandoned schoolwork to go for dress fittings.

The wedding was amazing and my sister made a beautiful bride. Of course it came with the fights, misunderstandings and miscommunication but what’s a wedding without the drama? The best part of the wedding was that the couple was so in love with each other they couldn’t hide it from anyone.

I had to make up for all my abandoned schoolwork in October and it wasn’t funny at all. My days were filled with sighs of “oluwa wetin dey happen?“. Preparing for first semester exams was such a struggle. It was nothing like undergrad days. I had so many assignments, presentations and revision classes. That didn’t stop me from turning up for my baby sister’s convocation though.

Remember how I started my 25^th single? Well, it was because I was ghosted early 2018 and it took me a while to move on. After that, I got too comfortable with my own company. However, I met a guy late 2019 and I really thought it was time to try again. Things were moving so fast with him. We had so many things in common it was unreal. You get the gist; it was so easy to catch feelings. Plus you can’t really be immune to a Yoruba boy’s aggressive toasting. I decided to try out this relationship thing again but it ended in tears when he ghosted me early December. If you’ve ever wondered why I take ghosting so personally, that’s why. At this point, I’ll reiterate the demerit of attaching songs or albums to people. If you don’t work out, your thoracic region will heat up anytime the songs come on. I mean I have had to delete Fireboy DML’s Fire Down, the entire Coldplay’s Head Full of Dreams and Adele’s 25.

By mid-December, I went to Lagos to cool off. It started off as boring but it turned detty eventually. Big shout outs to Wasiu and WeTalkSound for getting me concert tickets. Listen to WeTalkSound’s new project here: https://fanlink.to/LOFN3 If you’ve been following, you would have noticed how my priorities are always misplaced. I enjoyed my Detty December a little too much, forgetting that I had fixed my IELTS for January 11^th. I had to crash prepare in 10 days and I was super scared about the results. I had a band 8 though and I consider this my biggest flex of Chapter 25.